feeling more piss than usual

It is always about little bits in life that we take for granted. Slammed at and brushed aside. I know that the world has bigger issues than my pathetic problems. I don't seek sympathy. I don't seek comfort. What I seek is solutions. But that has never been easy. Truth is, there is no solution. Reality is cold, harsh and cruel. There is no 'why is it always me' or 'why no one understands me'. It is what it is.
I am shaking with anger as I process my thoughts into words. How can or rather why should I always go to bed with rage and guilt due to my object of anger. The next day, everything is a blur and everything gets forgotten. All is well again.
But peace does not last long when somehow (vague) I was reminded of my object of anger. I cursed, I swore. I did everything in my might to stop myself from bottling it. Is it my fault that led to all this? What have I done to deserve this? Wasn't it you who said yes? Perhaps and maybe.

Like yesterday, it disappeared. Again. Oh well. Thats that.

nobody understands

Ended work early. Was tiring as usual. Walked some distance before arriving to the bus stop. Took 14 instead of 16 today. Was totally engrossed in my book. Teared a little when I read that Jack Lancaster's dad passed away. Always getting emotional. I think that some of the commuters must thought that I was heart broken or something. Arrived home about an hour later.

Felt tired but need to prepare for tomorrow. There will be pictures! =p Have a phone call. Nights people!

early in the morn

The time is about 9.50am and I woke up at 9.10am. Had my usual iced coffee while eating my breakfast and contemplating how work will be today. Everyday since I started work, this routine of eating at 9, leaving the house at 10.30, arriving for work at 11.30, having lunch at about 1.30, having dinner at 7.30 (used to come back at 10.30pm to have dinner) then leave the place at 9 and arrive back home about an hour later. Check my mails, bathe and watch 1 or 2 episode of korean drama before going to sleep.
The next day, this whole cycle repeats. Today marks the end of the second week. So far, I had only a day off which means I have an extra day off! Still planning what to do for my off days. Intended to make durian puff but the most important key ingredient is missing. Oh well, have to wait for a while before I can make that.
Being paid pathetically, I try to NOT serve customers when I can. Usually when I have sudden 'depression'. First of all, the environment that I work in is NOT the what I had in mind. So far, I have met people from all walks of life. People with tattoos, studs, piecing etc. Kinda scary now that I think of it. But some are very different from what I thought they would be like. Hope to get 'friendlier' with customers but it just not me to be that 'friendly' to strangers. And it doesn't help that I am in a mainly malay environment. Meaning, at least 50% of the customers are malay. Honestly speaking, I think they don't like to talk to chinese. Not meaning any racism, just that malays would prefer speaking to someone who speaks malay. It doesn't help that I am around the teenage age. It seems weird for me trying to sell something. I don't know. Maybe it is just me.
Anyway, will be back home in about 11 hours. Till then. =(