blogthings

You Are 46% Grown Up, 54% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

You Are 36% Shy

You are slightly shy, but overall, your reactions to social situations are normal. You dread difficult social situations, but you still handle them with grace.

How Shy Are You?

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your EQ is 133

50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

You Are 40% Extrovert, 60% Introvert

You're a bit outgoing, a bit reserved Like most people, you enjoy being social But you also value the time you have alone You have struck a good balance!

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

You Are 30% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Caffe Vanilla Frappuccino

Smooth and sweet, you fit in to almost any crowd. No one would suspect you of being a coffee tweaker!

What Flavor Frappuccino Are You?

You Are Chunky Monkey Ice Cream

Truthfully, you're too spazzy to be chunky - you cheeky monkey!

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

You Are 24% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Kuri Hayashi

What's your Japanese Name?

You are 60% Libra

How Libra Are You?

Your Fortune Is

Just because men have one, doesn't mean they have to be one.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

You've Changed 52% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

You Are A Rowan Tree

You are full of charm and cheer. You light up a room. And while you crave attention, you do it without ego. You are an interesting mix of contradictions - and very unpredictable. You are both dependent and independent, calm and restless. You are passionate, emotional, gregarious, and (at times) unforgiving.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

Your Element Is Air

You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that!

What's Your Element?

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after death). Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally! Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

credits to KB for linking Jasmin and thus linking me.

escargot!

Finally, after centuries of not going out to eat, I have pictures of what I had for my early supper. Boy was it fantastic. Anyway, like always, I went to the cheesecake cafe. Here are the pictures.

This was what 'ter had. Vanilla chocolate cheesecake I think.

This is what I had. Chocolate truffle.

Actually, I was dying to have something with thick chocolate fudge sauce. However, that's(chocolate truffle) the best I found and ya, so I ordered chocolate truffle. It was acceptable. To me that is. I mean. It was powder, cream, sponge, cream, sponge. The cake was like layers of different texture which is nice. And they added raisins. I don't hate raisins just that I prefer chocolate cake to be chocolate cake. Not some fruitish chocolate cake. However, the raisin does go well with the chocolate just that I am not a big fan of it. Overall, I think I will give it 3.5 stars. For what 'ter had, I gave a review before so go find it.

As most of my readers know I am quite fond of the cheesecake cafe. I always describe the wonderful ambiance there. Well, I finally have a shot of just one of the many artifacts they have there. This is it. The most obvious piece there. Ain't it a beauty?

Aafter having much small talk, 'ter and I thought we can't just sit there with nothing on our table. We finished our cakes you see. So we asked for the menu and ponder over what to eat. After contemplating for some time, we decided on escargots. Doesn't it look delicious?

This was my first time you see. So excited. heh. I have heard about it but just too afraid to try it. I mean, it is snail after all. Oh and I think I accidentally stepped on a snail when I was walking to take a bus. It was dark so I couldn't see properly. Anyway, that's not important. whats more important is...The escargots were heavenly. They were not slimy at all. They were more of muscly. So it was a little rubbery but not very rubbery. There was garlic oil to go with this delicacy. It was simply...Smooth. Due to the oil of cause. But it was not really greasy. As there were six, we had 3 each. After my third one, I was actually craving for more. It is really really scrumptious. After settling the bill, I walked home a satisfied person.

Well, that's all for today folks. See ya again. Ciao!

Gone under crack

The feeling of distraught when no one understands or questions. The constant migraine upon thinking of why things happen. Will they know? Will they find out?

As time passes, the intensity increases. The pressure upon me has been mounting higher as I speak. Has the true meaning been lost? I think I have gone under crack.

Distance. It is just a barrier that separates the one whom we love. However, love conquers all. Does it? However, distance can be a good thing too. Not everything is one-sided. That's where ying yang comes in. There is a balance of good and evil in everything or everyone. What does one mean when they say he is beyond saving?

Changes to save a person. Will it work? We don't always see the immediate effects of the efforts that we have pumped in. Perhaps, only the person who needs saving can save himself.
in this facade-d society, not everything is that straight-forward. Literally. One can say, but to do is a whole new story.

Words. They help mankind in many different ways. Without them, what would life be. Imagining the difficulty in communicating with one another without the help of languages. One should be appreciative of languages.

The mind is a complex thing. Like what professor X said in the X-men 2 show, and I quote," the mind is not a box. It cannot be open as and when you wish." at times, we wish to know how or why something happens. Take me for an example. I yearn to know why this or how that. It is extremely frustrating when your mind is in a swirl of thoughts.

Mood swings. It comes and goes like the coming of time. It can happen any second. How it works, I don't know. But...What I know is that, sometimes, emotions can get out of our voluntary control. It is like an invisible force is controlling you. Sighs.

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okay, Winston is back to earth. heh. After spilling everything from my brains, I feel soo much better. Anyways, I got to go mug. As usual. And thanks for tagging people. Ciao!

A little bit of something...

Like every other week, this week didn't start with a bang. Sighs. Stress level is mounting high as we approach dooms day. For the fast few weeks, I didn't sleep the usual time I always sleep which is 11 plus. Actually, for the pass few weeks, I think I was sleeping at like 1, 2 plus. lol. Sleep too much in the afternoon so I become a thief at night. Okay, that's quite lame.
anyway, today is Tuesday. Will put a brief update on yesterday.
Monday.
I was using the com in the morn as we were suppose to start school at like 1pm as we didn't have HAP Lab(thank god!) anymore. Then, the phone rang in the morning. It was Kit Wei.
Kit Wei: HARLLO! Guess who is this
Winston: hmmm, who is this?
Kit Wei: this is Kit Wei la.
So she told me that Ms Quek(our SFP tutorial teacher) couldn't make it for the time slot. So it was pushed to today at 4pm-5pm. It was kinda stupid to go school for like 3 hours and two modules[I used to call this subject till I decided to change =)! ]. Anyway, school ended in a snap and I went home. Suppose to glue my arse down to get some serious work done. But where does one find my arse but on a chair using the newly bought lappie. I used to hate using com at home as most of my friends know that the speed of my old com was fast than you can say 'supersonic'. Thus, I refrain from using the com. However, due to the new addition to my family - the new lappie, I have been touching it almost every night. Like I told myself not to use it tonight. But lo and behold, what are am I doing now? Anyway, that is Monday.
Today.
Well, I started school at 9am. Went to take the a bus to the interchange. When I arrived, I realized I was a little too early. So I made a slow walk of a double loop before arriving at my destination which is the bus stop to take the free shuttle bus to school. When I arrived, it was 8.33am. I sure know how to take a long time to walk. lol. The bus was a minute plus late. Boarded the bus. After that, I kinda realized, why is there so few people going to school? Maybe it is a Tuesday so not many people have classes in the morn. Well, I don't know.
Anyway, M&S1 tutorial was interesting. I think I am a weirdo. lol. In a sense that, I paid attention during a lecture of a particular topic and for the tutorial pop quiz, I made a extreme careless error and had 6.5/10. Recently, for the last topic, I didn't pay attention during lecture and for the pop quiz today, I got full marks. I thus conclude, do not pay attention during lecture and you will score full marks for tutorial pop quiz. lolz.
After that, it was our lunch break. I didn't have lunch (as usual). Went to library to have chatting session with wan hua and xinyi. So exciting. Had much to talk about (as usual). With the blink of an eye, one hour has gone and we went to SFP lecture.
SFP lecture was normal. Nothing much happen.
After that was OBC. Gosh was it hilarious. At first it was so boring when Mr Tan explained to us the revision exercise. You see, my class was sitting in the link up LT. Hwee Li and gang did the most unthinkable. After much laughing and Mrs Usha saying ,"Shhhhhhh! Quiet!", Genie cut out thick paper eye brows and Hwee Li pasted it on her eye brows. I think their theme was La Pi Xiao Xin. The effect after Hwee Li wore that thing was - HAM SUP GUAI! lol.
after the lecture, Hwee Li walked out of the LT wearing those things. There was this guy who sat outside then looked at her then did his things. When I looked back to find my clique, I saw him turning his head and staring at Hwee Li. So lolz la!
After that was an hour break before that stupid SFP. So annoying la. Anyway, don't wanna talk much about it. After like half an hour, we were able to leave. Thank god!
anyway, life pretty much sucks at the moment. I am at the mercy of my dad's constant nagging. This is oh so heavenly. Yah right. Can't wait to go there and smack his arse and say,"Uncle! So much saliva is it. Then donate to those who need it more than you!" lol. No la. I not so bad okay. haha. My daddy rocks. He bought a lappie it will be faster. So nice of my daddy. haha. Okays, I think I better go before the house is flooded in his saliva. Ciao!

Time really passes

Today is Sunday. Time really passes quickly once I have started poly. In the blink of an eye, the end of week is here. The start of the week is beginning. Sighs.
anyway, I woke up earlier than I expected. I slept at 2am yet I woke up at 8am. I wonder why. Too much caffeine in my blood I think. Watched Japan Hour. A really oiishi show. I read the newspaper after my show while eating breakfast which was a little pathetic but its okay.
when to do my work. Study SFP to prepare for my Lab test on Thursday. Suppose to do like the M&S1 tutorial and extra topics but then it looks so complex so I gave up. Spend both yesterday and today studying this subject. Sighs. My dad went to my grams and my mom went to church to see her sister. I was left at home. I tried studying but I couldn't. I arranged my songs and listen to them while reading... My notes.
ate porridge for lunch and continued studying. blah blah blah. I had my dinner just now, and I am using the com. My dad is soo annoying. Always blaming me. Blame and blame and blame. What did I do wrong? So crazy la that old man. Reaching the age of 58 yet his flow of saliva is never ending. Nag and nag and nag.
anyway, no mood to write any other nonsense. Going to learn canto. Ciao!

what the ....

Hey peeps, what I have been writing recently is just words. Thanks for your concern and care however, I am really okay.

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Today is a Saturday. Have no idea what I will be writing. Actually, my life have been rather mundane and un-exciting. So opposite of what I am in school. heh. Nothing much happened. Stayed late up late last night to read someone's blog. After reading it, it caused much processes in my head. I felt I should still clink on to that tiny spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe it might happen.

overall, it was an interesting blog. Perhaps it was fate that led me there. Perhaps I have just have to learn to embrace reality or perhaps I should just stop, think and move on with a new beginning.

changes. To say is always easy, but to actually attempt to do it, it is rather difficult. I use to like change. But now, as the years come and go, I think I rather stick on to the old. One example is I actually found myself rather oriental as compared to others. My thinking can be quite old-fashioned at times. A bad thing? Or a good thing? I don't know. Perhaps I just like it this way.

however, contradictions and ironies have flourished throughout my life. Just what is it like to be this without that. Thought ideas run through my head at the speed of light.

I think had written enough on life. This is just so stupid. With so many facades and illusions, how do I know the real you?

in short this is how we live our lives - We live, we like it, we love it, we get old, we die. End of story.

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okay. Winston is back again. My dad brought his colleague from aussie. But he is Chinese. Woo. He is canto. My dad can speak quite good canto. Sounds so canto-ish just now. Really love it. heh. I don't know how to explain this but this phenomenon is just amazing. Have you smelt Caucasians or eurasians? They have this particular smell like the beach smell. Is just lovely. When my dad's colleague was here, he just had this distinctive smell. Is quite fantastic actually. The only smell I get is BO. lol. No la, I don't have BO. If u don't believe you can smell me. heh. Anyway, I had ham sandwich for dinner and now I am having slices of the most awesome guava I ever had. Unlike most guavas, this is soft on one part and a little hard on the other. it is quite ripe actually. The soft part is what I like most. As you bite it, the taste escapes the flesh and swirls in the mouth. The texture is just right. So is the taste with a tiny tiny tinge of fruit alcohol sweetness that occurs naturally in fruits. Scrumptious. Another fruit that I like will be those big brown pears. From Taiwan I think. My mom left it in the fridge like 2 weeks, then when she cut then, the fruity alcoholic taste was quite distinctive. Loves it. I just bought 2 today, hoping for a miracle. I need to glue my arse down and study for SFP Lab test. Will be back soon. Wait a second, I need to add on something. heh. I had my favourite siew mai that I have been dying to have all week. it cost like 50 cents but it is totally worth it. The meat they used it pork, so sorry Muslims. I have no idea what ingredients they added in but if I get the recipe...

when I had the first bite, the skin was just right. Not too thick or thin. The meat was a little chewy and really tender. The porky taste swirled and lasted in my mouth. The fragrance of the siew mai was oh so fabulously heavenly. After I finished my first siew mai, I ate the second one. I literally had to stop myself from opening my big mouth and gobbling eat. I savoured the siew mai as slowly as I could. Alas, I didn't succeed. heh. I gave the third one to my brother. See, I am so nice. heh. Anyway, I really have to go study. Ciao people!

The power of depression

Actually, I was kinda pissed early this morn. You see, I already planned what I wanted to wear to school - t with jacket and jeans and only bringing my file.
I know that Singapore is really hot, however, the air-conditioner in the shuttle bus is really strong. So I was thinking if I come out of my house just nice to take a bus to the interchange and go to the bus stop exactly at 8.35am(the time of arrival of the shuttle bus, supposedly) I will be able to survive wearing a jacket in Singapore's climate.
I reached the shuttle bus stop at 8.34am. no bus was insight. I waited for another two minutes I really could not take the heat so I took off my jacket. I was perspiring like crap. Why? Cause the bus stop so happens to be situated in between buildings and the morning sun is shining there. That's not the point. I waited another 3 minutes before the bloody uncle arrive.
thank god the air-condition was strong or I would have been extremely pissed.
anyway, this uncle is so irresponsible. There were two times where he didn't arrive. Thus, those who took the 8.35 bus had to wait and squeeze with those who were taking the 8.45 bus.
so after I reached school, my friends and I made our way to the LT for our lecture.
we went to the 3rd floor thinking the doors always open there first. That is sooo not true. There is some personal vendetta of lecturers against AFSN students. Our LT is usually the last to open. Why is that so? Up till now, I still cannot figure out why.
sighs. It was such a bad day for me. So I decided to blog. blogging is the only thing that keeps me my sanity from disappearing. (note: I am trying a different approach to posting)
I never really understand my surroundings. Always thinking and thinking.
however, occasionally, I stop. And I ask myself. Who am I? What am I?
questions, questions and more questions. questions are made, but where are the answers?
sometimes, the mind is such a complex complicated processor that no other artificial intelligence can ever replace it. Sighs. A rush of depression fills my soul. And suddenly, it escapes from my body as my goosebumps stand.
am I that selfish to always think about myself and not others before me. Have I become one of those people who never stops to consider other feelings but mine only? Maybe and maybe not. I realized that not only had society judged me, but myself too. I have place to many judgment upon myself.
my brain is constantly in a turmoil of thoughts. From the extremes of the spectrum like what should I eat today to the other extreme like what if I am not employed. Mixed feelings as I grow up in this society.
society. The mere mention causes me to think even harder. Has it ever been fair to me? Or was it just the lack of parental guidance that cause me to be what I am today.
deception and lies. How do I know the truth from the naught. In any case, I don't.
politics. I just hate it when it comes to this. I never wanna mess with politics. It gives me a migraine. I just wanna live my life. The only thing I truly yearn from politics is to give the citizens what they deserve and true help serve the country and thus earning the respect of the fellow citizens. Bribery gets you no where. However, not true in this country.
well, isn't that quite a lot of thoughts in a short while? The on going process that keeps me thinking.
oh ya, I would love to add
religion - Christianity. I respect all religions. However, everything happens for a reason. If you are able to convince someone that our Lord and savior is Jesus then so be it. However, if someone do not believe in it, then so be it. Do not try to further 'educate' the person. One day he might understand. As for me, I do understand this faith but, it needs time. Right now, I just need to get my life straight. Understanding about life is one complicated matter.
maybe, we don't need to understand about life. We just have to have faith in what we do just like having the faith in any religion. Anyway, is about high time I go to sleep. Will be back soon.

loooong time

I haven't been exactly posting recently, so I will just do a brief update.

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Monday, I had HAP. Instead of dealing with urine, this time, we were dealing with saliva. Which one is more gross, I have no idea. Mrs Usha - no time management. Always taking her own sweet time. Talking and talking about things that sometimes are not relevant. Coil and coil. Also, we had a make-up tutorial as we were slightly behind schedule. It was at 5pm. It so happen that on that day, we end at 5pm due to PIPC tutorial but we pushed it up to 12-1pm as all the other tutorials were sort of cancelled. So we actually could have gone home at 1 but no. The OBC make up tutorial was last minute. Sighs.

Luan and Me(see that I am trying to be shorter than her)

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On Tuesday, we didn't have M&S1 tutorial but HAP make up tutorial as my tutor could not make it on Monday. It went quite well just that I didn't print my tutorial the night before so I ended up writing on a piece of paper. SFP lecture was hilarious as usual. Followed by two hours of OBC lecture. Usually, the mere mention of OBC will send shivers down my spine followed by an mentabolic reaction where I become really sleepy and lethargic. But miraculously, I was extremely attentive. I paid attention to what Mr Tan was talking. Anyway, after that was a extremely long 3 hours break before CO. Yes, I went to CO that day as I had to return the zhongruan I borrowed. I learnt a bit of pipa that day. kinda glad. But, there were this two people gossiping about me. It was so obvious la. Not that I am so BHB to think that people will gossip about me but, I could tell from their expressions and eye contacts. It is just so annoying. wanna gossip? Go ahead. Don't do it in front of me right. Don't understand with singaporean these days.

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On Wednesday was national day. This year was really different. For the first time, I didn't feel that sort of feeling when national day is here. The whole day for me felt like a weekend. There was no patriotism in me. Not that I even intend to be very patriotic. Maybe it is because the government is really unfair towards poly students. No extra holiday. Pay adult fair(even though we are of same age as JC students and they pay child fare[no offence to JC students]). Anyway, I just didn't feel the kind of feeling I felt a few years ago.

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On Thursday. Fabulous Thursday as I would call it. Two hours of HAP lecture early in the morn. Was quite attentive. I mean come on, the topic was on Reproductive System. Who wouldn't be attentive. heh. Apparently, I learnt that in semen, it contains fructose(a fruit sugar). So my lecturer told us a joke - There was another lecturer who was lecturing on the reproductive system and told the students about semen containing fructose as food for the sperm. So one girl at the back of the LT raise her hand and asked,"if semen contains fructose, why isn't it sweet?".
LOL!

picture of my fellow classmates just before going into the FOOD Lab!

the rest of my class before entering the FOOD Lab.

Daniel.

David. He loves to call other people noob when he is one when it comes to SFP.

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Today. First two hours were PIPC lecture. Extremely boring. Began to feel a little headache-ish. Did my HAP lab report during the lecture. After that was M&S1. Also boring. Kept disturbing my friends. We had a break. When to the library to talk. Then it was SFP,OBC and HAP. We didn't exactly know whether we had APEL. Seriously, who actually learns something from ABEL? If someone say they did learn something, that's bullshit! It is a complete waste of my time. My friends have ended their APEL a long time ago. And we didn't have it today, but Ms Mah should be kind enough to let us know earlier right. Why make us waste our time. Sighs. Well, that's about all for today.

Falling

I have fallen from the point of no return. This feeling that once over-whelms me is back again. The coldness in the heart. The smile that was wiped off my face. Tears begin to gush out. The world seem to fall onto me. Everything is a blur. Is it really my fault. But why? Back then I used to feel like this till I said to myself don't care. It really starts affecting me again.
I don't if I can continue this facade in this charade. It has to stop. Besides, I don't have the will power to continue on.

The night is young, the day is old,
Let the light lead the way foretold.
Thou will not fight nor be over-throw,
Till the day I'm able to gain control.
In this time and space as I chant my prayer,
Allowing you to seek my betrayer.
I have no yearns nor desires to fulfill.
The only wish is that you hear my will.
Come to me as I summon thee,
Destroy my soul so mote it be!

Blessed be!

Feeling pissed.

What exactly is to have a happy childhood? There is no clear definition. But I can only give a personal opinion to what it means. I believe it means that a child who feels happy during their childhood. When I look back, I regret not having the chance to try this or that. As most teenagers with an older sibling know their parents like to compare between the two. On top of that, when the elder one have lets say, music lessons, and if the older sibling gave up half way, they(parents) make a mental note saying don't allow the younger child to go for music lessons as he might give up and it is a waste of money. Sounds familiar?
on top of that, I wasn't allowed out of the house other than go to school. Yes I admit that I enjoy going on overseas trips but I am talking about my childhood and not whether I am privileged enough to travel. I am talking about mixing with other children my age, going to friends' party, having stay overs. My childhood was far from fun. I was never your typical child who loved his childhood.

Listed below are 3 examples of different children in different kinds of environment.
example 1:the child grows up in an environment where he/she mixes with neighbours' children. Single language environment(speaks mother tongue/dialect). Maybe not so well off but had a fun childhood
example 2:The child grows up in an environment of two language environment(mother tongue and English/Singlish). Also, mixes around with the neighbours' children.
example 3:Speaks one language(English). The child is able to socialize with other children living from that area.

Well, I came from the second example. I think. I stayed in HDB for 12 years before moving to where I am now(however, going to move out soon but that's not the point). I speak mostly English/Singlish and the occasional Chinese. I didn't learn dialect when I was young, only recently(but that's not the point too). I was not allowed to go to friends' parties or go out with friends. I didn't have many friends when I was younger(in my neighbourhood). I didn't do normal things like what all little boys do when they are younger - play bball or soccer or other stuff.

When I was in primary school, I had fun, my friends were from various background. It also didn't help that I went to single sex school. However, I did make friends. Soon, the PSLE results were out. I didn't managed to go to the affiliated secondary school due to poor results. I entered the secondary school of my last choice alone. None of my friends or even school mates were entering the same secondary school as me. I felt really depressed. Slowly, I lost contact with my primary school friends. Also, being in a new environment was a bigger problem - Making friends. Worst of all, since I was in a 'neighbourhood' school, the students there were talking in their own lingo and half the time I didn't even know what they were talking about. With time, I began to make friends with my class. Also, I joined a CCA and made more friends. However, whenever my CCA starts, I always wondered why the seniors were speaking more to my friend than me. I wasn't being jealous but I couldn't help but wonder why. Alas, after a long time, I found out the truth. They couldn't connect with me. Not that I am weird or anything, they think that I was 'high' class. Not high class as in snobbish but as in, I seldom speak like 'wah lao eeh, lidat also dunno meh'. 4 years passed with the blink of an eye. Now that I entered poly. At least I can say, it doesn't really pose as an issue...for now.

Also, I always wondered why I seem so much more different than other people. My mind seems to be thinking about my future and other stuff and not on things like LAN, DOTA or maplestory or 'go chiong' . Everyday I fear about my future for how will it become or will I succeed or will I get a job or what if one day I became financially handicapped. Thoughts, questions and what ifs runs through my mind like the never ending flow of the river. Why can't I leave this to my parents to worry about and enjoy life like most teenagers?

To add on to the erupting frustration I already have, I need things like religion to come into my life. By religion, I would like to highlight Christianity. Why do they have to convert us? I know the LORD is high and almighty. But like what the bible states, everyone has free will. Don't I have it too?

I used to be believe in God when I was very young because I was lost and afraid. I prayed to the LORD hoping that I would be free. Sometimes, I cry to myself at night. Why? I don't even know why. I thought I needed spiritual guidance. But what I need really is some care and concern. From who? My parents of cause. Like when I quarreled with my ex-cousin(I renounce knowing her) from Australia(because I knew it was she who hacked my hotmail account. Long story. Don't wish to talk about it). My mom didn't even acknowledge the fact that it could be her. No one believe it was her(including all my relatives). I was so frustrated. She(ex-cousin) really played the 'blur and innocent' really well. Like 'oh. I didn't do it. I don't know what are you talking about'. One word, BULLSHIT! I was so fucking pissed that day, I hurled vulgarities at her saying she is a bitch and fuck like she didn't know. The hatred that was kept bottled in me for so long finally started erupting. upon hearing that, her father erupted too and lashed out at me saying how can I say that and blah blah blah blah blah. Of cause, I was reckless and I didn't know when you start hurling vulgarities, you are obviously the loser. I say this as I have say it before, it is the principle behind it. If she had done it to her company's account, siphon the company's money, lets see how would her parents think about that. Since she is the only child, they believe anything she says. sighs.

This incident happened a a few years ago. You may think that it is extremely petty of me to remember what she did, but if you were me, how would you feel if a very close cousin did this to you? DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME! Who the FUCK do you think you are to judge me. Unless you have been through what I have, then I rest my case.

Nobody understands how I feel. The power of disguise makes me look as if I am always happy
and smiling. No one really knows how much bottled anger and resentment is held inside me.

I am on the verge of suicide.

WHAT!!

I can't believe it. My life is getting from exciting to okay to BORING! Why? Due to the coming exams which is like in 2.0000000 weeks. Yes, you saw correctly 2 weeks. Everyone is like studying and mugging and burying their heads in their notes. Except for me. Hard to believe since I have a face of a nerd. lol. If you people are wondering why this week no food updates of some restaurant, well, I am sorta broke. lol. Well, not broke as in broke but...ya, broke. Anyway, I only had cheesecake yesterday. Rum and Raisin. 'ter had Chocolate Banana(non cheese cake). Both were really yummy. Too lazy and expensive(cost money to send it to my mail) to upload the picture from my phone. In addition, my phone camera is like 'SUPER' marvelous. riighhttt. Anyway, today I didn't do much work. Copied the notes from PX cause I didn't go to OBC lecture. The extremely long two hours lecture with Mrs Usha playing with the phone wire trying to explain to us about amino acids and proteins. lol.
NOTE: That was my first, VERY first time skipping lecture. Isn't that exciting? heh.
Also, I copied the 7 primal cuts of beef(cow) on a piece of paper plus the retail parts with the suggested cooking methods. Didn't really do much work today. So dead. Need to finish up the extra topics for maths followed by studying my subjects. Especially the long overdued HAP. I suck at biology. because everything is just memorize and memorize. I need a good memory if I want to pass. In fact, I think I already fail my coursework. However, deep inside me I am hoping that I pass my coursework. Then if I pass 50% or more for my main, I don't have to take sub. *fingers crossed*
well, I better get going, oh ya, note to everyone out there - if you have water melon or any melon related fruit, don't be greedy and eat so many cause it is really cooling that will thus result you in diarrhea.

insatiable appetite

Before I entered poly, life was pretty plain for me. Everything was already planned out by the Government or my family. When you are born you go through play school, nursery, kindergarten, primary and secondary school. After that *dramatic pause* suddenly life is in your hands. After so many years of dependence or following this system, we have to take control of our life. I have never felt more lost then than before. Where should I go? Junior College? Polytechnic? After that, should I further my studies? In the first place, what is my dream career? I didn't know, although we go through the first 16 years of your life, we actually have to think of our dream job. Without knowing will cause all hell to break loose when you have like 3 days to submit your application on where to continue your studies(poly or JC).
After all that drama, I finally got into poly. TP to be exact. Nowadays, I live my life on a day to day basis. Live today for you wouldn't know whether you will still be around tml. I realised that too much planning will cause us to be very rigid. Of cause, if we fail to plan, we plan to fail. We need to plan in moderation. Lets say, we have plan A, B and C. Right now, plan A is working for you. Suddenly, some obstacle get in your way, you move to plan B. A few years later, you bumped into another obstacle. You move to plan C. But what if you meet another obstacle, you have run out of plans. What would you do. Some might say, we should make a million plans before we got started. Is this even possible? Why don't we acquire something called 'adaptability'. This amazing plan will last anyone a lifetime without having to change and change. Why? Because adaptability helps us to get use to new surroundings. Without it, you can try and think of 1000000 plans.
anyway, my life is getting duller by the minute. Need some new excitement in my life. However, I am afraid that this is only possible after the semester exams. Going to hit the books.